Top 5 Ridiculous Edible Foodlike Substances of the Week

The Delicious Truth will now appear daily!

Mondays will feature a list of idiotic packaged foodstuffs that I've recently encountered in the supermarket.

Here goes:

5. DORITOS COLLISIONS - Since one poisonous flavor at a time isn't enough, our friends at Doritos have decided to give us "2 flavors - 1 bag."

4. DUNCAN HINES PINEAPPLE SUPREME PREMIUM CAKE MIX – The only hint of pineapple in the ingredients is “pineapple juice powder.” Don Ho would not feel fine if he ate this.

3. KRAFT BAGEL-FULS – Thankfully, Kraft puts the cream cheese in the “bagel” for us, since we are so busy that we can’t take the five seconds to do it ourselves.

2. RITZ BITS CRACKER SANDWICHES CONFETTI CRÈME FLAVOR – According to the Nabisco World website, “Ritz Bits Confetti Crème Cracker Sandwiches are built for fun – it's the snack that puts playtime into overdrive!” My interpretation: “It’s the snack that causes Rob’s health insurance to be so exorbitant, since he has to subsidize the medical bills of the kids who eat this crap.”

And this week’s Why Does This Product Exist Award winner:

1. YOPLAIT TRIX LOWFAT YOGURT – Thankfully there are “2 FRUITY COLORS IN EVERY CUP!” since there is no actual fruit in any of the six flavors I found (Watermelon Burst, Strawberry Punch, Strawberry Banana Bash, Raspberry Rainbow, Wildberry Blue and Triple Cherry). I'll post a longer, multi-part blog on this product later this week.