Froot Loops Cereal Straws Are Not Food

(First of three parts)

Several weeks ago, a friend of mine worried that I would soon run out of ridiculous products to chronicle. Unfortunately, I think he’s wrong.

The latest treasure I uncovered was Kellogg’s Froot Loops Cereal Straws, which, according to the box, are “Fruity, crunchy tubes for milk-sippin’ fun!” that are “strAWESOME any time of the day!”

Yes. Cereal straws. To use to drink milk.

While I’ve become slightly inured to the sugar and petroleum-based synthetic dyes used in these products, I am still flabbergasted at the intricate websites created to help market them.

The Froot Loops Cereal Straws website is a work of art. It’s worth the click just to hear the theme song—“Dip-Sip-Munch”—which is a very catchy tune (I listened about 20 times) that sounds like a mix of The Detroit Cobras and The White Stripes:

Just dip ‘em in and sip, sip, sip . . .
And pull ’em out and munch, munch, munch . . .
All together now, dip, sip, munch . . .
So fun to dip, sip, munch . . .

I’m not saying to not eat sweets. I just think there are better options than cereal straws, be it real chocolate chip cookies, dried fruit or ice cream.

And if you are going to give your kids Froot Loops Cereal Straws, realize they aren’t food and shouldn’t be treated as such. For our children to think this stuff is food will only create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Thankfully, though, Kellogg’s has our best interests in mind. For those of us who don’t like froot (or fruit), the cereal straws are available in Cocoa Krispies flavor as well.

(Tomorrow: Opening a box of Froot Loops Cereal Straws)